Dear People of the Gym.
Let’s chat for a moment, shall we? There are some very specific do’s and don’ts of gym etiquette that I think we should take a moment to discuss. We all signed a contract agreeing to spend time together in this building, but if we could agree on some rules, the hour or so we spend together could be a much more enjoyable 60 minutes out of our day.
For example, old lady in the locker room, could we limit the amount of time that you walk around without a shirt on to like a minute? Two tops? I’m sure you were something to look at once upon a time, but gravity may have taken it’s toll a little bit. Also do you see how the rest of us are facing our lockers while we change and not making eye contact. It might be a good idea to do the same.
To the loud grunters, did you ever think that maybe that thing you are picking up is too heavy? You should not have to grunt that loudly. A little grunt or snort is ok, but if you sound like you are hosting a wild pig fight in your area, maybe drop the weight a little bit. That can’t be healthy.
To the girl who thinks she is a backup dancer for Brittany Spears in Zumba class. Girlfriend, where is the rest of your shirt? A sports bra is fine to wear to class, but you look like you are getting ready to headline in Vegas. Also, who wears their hair down to work out? I’m going to need you to stay in your little spot and stop flipping your hair in my face. This is ZUMBA CLASS, not the VMA’s. Take it down like ten notches.
To the people who don’t wipe the seats after they are done on a machine. I can see your butt sweat after you get up and that is disgusting. Please don’t make me wipe that off before I sit down.
To the guy who raps while riding the stationary bike. I promise you, you are not getting an adequate workout if you can rap all the lyrics to whatever Kendrick Lamar song you are listening to in your earbuds. P.S. you have earbuds for a reason. Maybe enjoy the lyrics silently in your head. You are not Kendrick Lamar.
To the people who take gym selfies while on the cardio machines or in the locker room. Please just stop. It is so so weird and all I really want to do is photobomb you. Taking a progress picture of yourself in the mirror is alright, but an actual duck-face selfie is too too much.
To the people who think it is appropriate to strike up small talk while I’m in the middle of a workout. LEAVE ME ALONE. I have headphones on for a reason. I am cranky because I don’t like to work out. I’m sweating and I don’t like to be dirty. And the last thing I want to do is talk to you about the weather or listen to you blabber on about how I could maximize my workout if I do XYZ. If I wanted your opinion on either, I promise you I would ask. Don’t talk to me.
I’m not a mean person, people of the gym. I just want to come here and burn off a few calories in peace without sitting in other people’s sweat or being flashed by Great-Grandma boobies. If we can’t agree on these few simple rules, just know that you are probably the subjects of a lot of people’s Snapchat stories. If you’re alright with that, then keep on doing you.
Alanna @ Alanna and Company says
Hahah someone was rapping out loud during his workout?! Nooooooooo. I also don't understand the girls who workout with their hair down. That's just not normal.
Marissa Pedersen says
This is great because they are all true! I get so irritated at some people's manners.
I occasionally get the I just don't want to talk, leave me alone from time to time at the gym so I feel ya.
Yes to all of these- especially the hair down people! I don't understand that one bit!
Oh these are all so true!! Unless I am going with a partner to work out I like to keep to myself! I always can't stand girls who do their makeup for the gym. Half the time I have makeup on but its because I just came from work – there are girls that have full on fake eyelashes and everything and I am like are you kidding me??
Keating Bartlett says
Hahaha I love this so much! I think about all of these things whenever I go to the gym. Especially those who walk around naked when they really shouldn't. Like older women. And I have to laugh every time when I see girls who get all dressed up for the gym. Like full makeup and their done all cute. Like why bother? You're at the gym! Thanks for the laugh this morning 🙂
Cassie Jahn says
Haha! That's hilarious. You make me laugh.
Cori Large says
Every single one of these! Yes! The sweat thing as well! Seriously, OMG, you had a towel with you! How hard is it to wipe down the seat?
Kasey At The Bat says
dude. singing along out loud with my headphones in + not realizing it is a serious fear… also I can't deal with hair down, MAKE UP ON. like how do you not sweat that all off? how is your hair not making you miserable?!
Angela Tolsma says
I love posts like these, it's always interesting to see what people hate and don't hate at the gym. For example naked lady, won't bother me in the least more power to her for being confident. Rapping dude though, I would have tap his shoulder and let him know it's not appreciated. And small talk, I just completely ignore people!!
Ashley @ The Wandering Weekenders says
Why oh why does the gym bring out all the craziness in people? Seriously, nobody wears their hair down to workout, it's just gross, and wipe your own sweat off your machine it's just not right to do otherwise. And why would people try to start making small talk at the gym, you're supposed to be working out!
The Siberian American says
Rapping out loud? That is beyond annoying. I think the gym selfies are super weird too.
Jackie @ My (Sort Of) Adult Life says
This is so funny! Seriously, people at the gym can be so strange, it makes me not want to go even more!
Kalyn P says
I laughed so hard reading this – sorry but I am one of those who likes to "air out" before I put my clothes on and can be found topless scrolling through my phone/reading a book chilling in the locker room! Also my Zumba instructor wears her hair down. It just grosses me out because sweaty hair on my neck? Ew no thanks!
haha I absolutely hate it when people try to talk to us at the gym! Oh my goodness, its a huge pet peeve! Awesome letter! haha
Kristen @ See You In A Porridge says
lol the rapping one is ridiculous. i can understand the grunting one though, but i understand it's kind of weird and annoying. people who don't wipe seats or machines are straight up gross.
Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee says
Hair down to workout? EW!
Rachel Gault says
Hahaha this is great. I can't handle any of 'em either. That's partially why I quit the gym, but now I'm really needing to kick my fitness back into high gear!
Being Leanna says
YES to every single one of these. All I have to say is whyyyyyy
Ally Fiesta says
Hysterical! I enjoy zumba and feel like one of J Lo's back up dancers but I do NOT play with wearing my hair down. The seflies have to stop! How can ppl snapchat AND workout at the same time! I do however – do a lockroom selfie when I'm feeling my outfit – I will stop!! I SWEAR!
This is great, but please don't hate on the old lady! There's a lot of imperfect bodies out there, not just old ones.
I used to go to a gym where a woman used to break out singing on the treadmill. This was a VERY small gym, so it was super awkward.
The Girl who Loved to Write says
NAILED IT. I'm always so confused by people who wear their hair down while they workout. Like..HOW.
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