Helen G. Bailey

Finess ·

How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship

25 days.

The countdown is on! It’s borderline unreal to me that Stephen and I are finally going to be in the same town after two years apart. I will finally stop having to go stag to events during the week. Our visits will not just be every four to six weeks or longer. We are going to be in a the kind of relationship where you can make plans the same day to see each other that night. Y’all I can’t wait.

If you’re new here, Stephen is my boyfriend. We have been together for three years, but two of those have been long distance. You can read a little more about our relationship here. I know I’m one of the lucky members of the long-distance club. We we’re only two hours apart (four with Friday Atlanta traffic) and four to six weeks seems like nothing to those separated by months and months. With our schedules though we almost never actually talk, just text here and there. So when we see each other we literally spend the whole time catching up on everything we have missed.

Anyways, since we are so close to the end, I decided I would impart my “wisdom” to those who may still be in a long distance relationship. I use the term wisdom loosely…this is really everything I did wrong, we had a fight about, and by some miracle made it through to the other side.

1. Communicate. So simple, right? Check in with each other. Not a crazy amount. You don’t have to know everything they ate today, but if they’re on your mind let them know you love them and are thinking about them. 
2. Live your own life. They aren’t there. There is nothing you can do about it. DO NOT sit in a room by yourself and pine about how much you wish you were together. Go live your life. Make friends, be social, join things. “Me time” is a good thing.
3. Keep the end date in mind. Two years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and again I’m one of the lucky members because it is only two years. We knew this going in, and keeping the end date in mind has helped so much. When I get sad or lonely, I just remind myself it’s not forever. 
4. Go visit. Every time we fight it’s because it’s been too long since we have seen each other. We are so great when we are together, that we have to make time to go visit or we would never make it. Take turns visiting. If one person has to do all the traveling it gets to be a lot and puts a strain on the relationship.
5. Commit. You have to swear on everything good and holy that you will never even think about straying and then actually stick to it. Doubt and uncertainty is the biggest killer in a long distance relationship. If you’re dating a jealous person (like me. I’m actually the worst because I get so jealous, but pretend that I don’t) then you have to be even more careful. Be sensitive and reassuring about the issue not matter how annoying it is.
6. On that note, try not to freak out about everything. Sorry mom, I’m the worst at this. 99.99% of the time it was something I made up in my head and had a total meltdown about. I really owe my mom like a million dollars in therapy for all the times I called her. 
7. Have the talk before you split. Oh my god, we would have never made it if we didn’t talk about staying together before I left. It was a little soon in our relationship to say, “Hey we’ve only been dating a year and we are both really really young, but I want to talk about us long term.” It was the best thing we could have done. There has never been a question. We knew we were together even though we were apart. 
8. Miss them. The best part of long distance is the reunions! There is nothing like busting out the door to meet them in the parking lot when they get there. It’s ok to miss them. That’s a good thing. If you don’t why are you together in the first place.
9. Ignore the haters. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who’s long distance relationship failed. No, I am not pathetic. Yes, I could find someone in my own town to date and so could he, but we don’t want to. Seriously. It gets old. You have to brush it off. 
10. Celebrate the mundane and boring days. These are the days that I miss the most. Pizza and a DVD at night or going to run boring errands, these days need to be celebrated. This stuff is so much more fun with him and they’re the days I will take for granted in a couple of weeks, but now they are like little treasure troves of happiness. Remember to celebrate the days when you’re together, no matter what you are doing.
Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What was the best advice you ever gave or got? 

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Comments

  1. Brooke Jones says

    I'm so excited for you that you'll finally both be in the same place!! My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and I feel lucky that we only had to do long distance for the first 10 months of our relationship. We were two hours apart, but were huge babies and took turns visiting almost every weekend haha I do think that living your own life is a great advice whether you're living long distance or not!

  2. Brittany Deskins says

    So excited for you! My fiance and I dated 4 years throughout college being 5 hours apart. It is hard! But like you said it's manageable with the right attitude!

  4. Kristen @ SYIAP says

    love this so much. my husband and i dated long distance for a year and a half, broke up, got back together when i moved here and now we're (obviously) married. we met and spent 4 days together, then i had to go back home, so it was long distance from the get go. it was the hardest thing i ever did and i wouldn't wish it on anyone.. but it's also the easiest because there was never any question, you know? because i lived in Oz and he lived here, it was hard to visit but it was necessary. my number one thing that i learned was that communication was key and miscommunication is evil!! so many arguments / hurt feelings caused by miscommunication. although, we communicate like pros now 😉

  7. Helen @ Hel On Heels says

    I think it is SO important to live your own life. If you have to change any part of who you are or what you like to do to please the other, I don't think that person is the one for you!

  10. Helen @ Hel On Heels says

    Miscommunication is the root of all evil! You're right, it is so so important to communicate effectively. I'm the worst at interpreting things incorrectly and it always ends in disaster.

  12. Tami says

    OMG! How huge. This is going to be so amazing for the two of you (but I'm sure you knew that already). I don't know that I could do long-distance at this point in my life, so I give anyone who does it major credit!!

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